A workaday Christmas

Despite the 72 scanner calls about respiratory distress and having to eat fajitas for Christmas dinner, it's been a pretty nice day.

My roommate gave me a DIY book on small home repairs and projects -- thinking maybe next time she breaks her sink I can fix it, plus a new game and, best of all (or maybe worst of all for my diet) a panini press. And not just like some cheap-ass George Foreman grill, it's a Breville.

Dang.

I feel bad now that I just got her a teapot-for-one, some shi-shi teas and a Barnes & Noble gift card.

The day is almost over, and tomorrow I get to fly to Boston for my birthday weekend. So excited. I'm already packed, except for my jewelry and a couple other last-minute essentials and am sooo ready to go. Go go go.

Boxing Day is what?

I got tapped to do this year's Boxing Day story because I, apparently, was the only one in the room who knew what Boxing Day is. OK, one of a few.

My mission: To hunt down vacationing Canadians and ask them how they are celebrating Boxing Day. I've been stalking the parking lots at IHOP for a few days.

Now, I grew up with Canadian parents who observed Boxing Day as the holiday it is in Canada, Great Britain and Australia. My dad never worked on Boxing Day, my mom always made sure she put out tips for the mailman, garbage man, and anyone else who performed services.

That's what the day is for, after all. That and gathering up -- boxing up, if you will -- gifts and items for the poor.

Not only could I not find many Canadians here this winter, the ones I did talk to told me what Boxing Day has become. A day of shopping. Fucking consumerism. So a day that was all about giving has now become all about greed.

I think my parents would not be pleased.

My Christmas Tree

This is my first Christmas tree in my new house.

I'm sure my therapist would have something to say about the fact that I've put up the tree in the corner of my living room that's devoted to my Titanic collection.

Whatever.

Also, apparently, South Carolina doesn't believe in icicles. The kind you put on your tree -- the long, thin tinsely kind. I spent YEARS learning from my mom exactly how to place them properly, and now I cannot find any to put on my own tree, and for the rest of the holidays, I'm going to wander around my house feeling like I've forgotten something important.

South Carolina non-icicle-having bastards.

Bears! In our trees!

We have bears! Bears right here in the MB!

I just noticed I haven't posted here in almost a month. If you had asked me how long it has been, I wouldn't have guessed more than two weeks.

How does that happen?

I don't even know if anyone is still reading this, but I'll catch up this week, anyway. If no one is still reading, I'm going to rant away. ha ha.

Huh.

Add to the list of things I don't understand: Facebook.

I don't get it.

I mean, I know what it is, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it.

Virtually save the rainforests? How about actually doing something real to save the rainforests?

And I don't get the messaging thing. We all have e-mail. If we didn't, we couldn't have Facebook pages. So if you want to e-mail me, just do that. Why do you need to post something on my "wall," which then gets sent to my e-mail? Why not just e-mail me?

And now I have people on my "friends list" who I barely know. I wouldn't say we were "friends," but I don't know the etiquette of Facebook -- if I don't agree to someone's friend request, their request just hangs around like a sad mime at the edge of a park, hoping a crowd will come up and let him do the "I'm in the box and can't get out" thing.

Someone sent me virtual candy. And plants. What am I supposed to do with those? And am I a bad person if I don't send you candy or plants back? I don't even know how.

Apparently, I can join Facebook groups, too, like the "I love tennis shoes" group. Again, I don't get it. I love Cheap Trick, right? And when I want to talk about my love for the band, I go to the CT message boards and talk to other fans, but only people who are into it go there -- I'm not posting my discussions there for everyone on Facebook to see. There's no need, and most people don't really give a rat's ass.

Maybe it's just not my thing.

Wow

I wish my parents could have seen this day.

We're now, at least in some ways, the country we have always said we were.

One of my favorite movie-theater moments

Ha! I sat down to update the blog, read a couple things elsewhere and drink some water, and saw that the Baz Luhrmann version of "Romeo + Juliet" is on, and it reminded me of the first time I saw it in the theater.

I was with my friend Steve Rogers in Arkysaw, and there were only four other people in the theater -- two couples, one of which was sitting down the row from Steve and I.

So it gets to the part where Romeo thinks Juliet is dead and drinks the poison and dies, and the guy sitting down the row says loudly "Damn!"

At first I though maybe he spilled his soda or dropped Junior Mints into his popcorn.

Then comes there part where, in this version, Juliet wakes up, finds Romeo dead and shoots herself in the head.

The guy down the row again says "Damn," but even louder this time. Steve and I realize it is not a soda or popcorn mishap.

Then, as we're filing out after the pair of starcrossed lovers take their lives, the guy from down the row tells his date, "Wow, that was a fucked up endin'."

The only person in the world who did not know how Romeo & Juliet ends.

It was awesome.

Push it

Even if I hadn't worked seven straight days this week, it has just been a difficult week. My work hours have been extra long, and it has been cold and dark by the time I've left the office most every night, and I just did not have the chance to get out on the bike after my dinner break on Sunday evening. Things are tense right now because it's election week and people are uptight (although I LOVE Election Night in the office and CANNOT FREAKIN' WAIT for Tuesday).

I was all psyched up to get out to my unfinished subdivision today for a bike ride, but I worried I had wrecked all the momentum I built up over the past couple weeks by not being able to ride for the past five days.

Just a few days can make such a difference, especially when you feel like everything is conspiring against your best intentions and goals.

I was tired. I haven't slept well this week, I hadn't eaten anything today except a brown-rice California roll and a cup of Starbucks, and the first seven minutes were hard. Really hard. My legs were tired, my back hurt a little and that bike seat just did not feel right.

I promised myself I was going to bike as far as I had the last time out without resting, and even though I didn't feel totally confident, I felt hopeful.

I fired up the iPod and put my head down and just kept pedaling, even when my legs wanted to stop. Sometimes I moved slower than I wanted, but I kept going forward, and kept telling myself I didn't have to hurry, but I had to get past that two-mile mark before I could stop for 30 seconds.

After about a half mile, I started to feel better. It was more fun. Still hard, but I looked around and realized today was a gorgeous day and I had the sun on my face and it felt good. Suddenly, my back didn't hurt anymore and my legs were warmed up, and even though I'd already passed the marker I'd set for myself, I could keep going. So I did. I rode almost the whole thing without resting and went back and rode half the subdivision again, then rode a couple times around the lake in the middle.

Sometimes, after you get past that one hurdle, you put in that one last push, no matter how hard it seems, things get so much easier. Some hurdles are, of course, bigger than others.

By the time I got done, 30 minutes after I started -- 15 minutes more than I thought I could do today -- I realized I can keep this up.

Yes I can.

The Birthday Bear of Friday

For everyone who's had a birthday this year that I have forgotten to acknowledge. Forgive me. And for Kristin, whose birthday is on Election Day, Happy Bearthday!

Facebook?

Hmmm. So I just joined Facebook although I'm not exactly sure how the whole thing works or what I supposed to do with it.

Help me?

A sign of impending insanity?

Have you ever had a memory double back on you? Today as I was driving to work along a somewhat windy road, I suddenly felt like I was driving up the twisty road that leads into Paradise -- the road I used to drive almost every weekend to go see my parents.

The road that leads from my house to the highway couldn't be flatter, but for a second, or a few of them, it actually felt like I was going uphill around the big, sweeping curve on Clark Road that always let me know I was about 15 minutes from my parents' house.

Strange.

Biking

So, I've ridden my bike every day since I got it except for one, and I am already seeing improvement. Or I should say "feeling" improvement. My ass hurts less from the seat, so that's a good thing. heh heh. Actually, I noticed tonight, while riding on my dinner break from work, that I could go further without needing to catch my breath or just jump off for 10 seconds to let my tired legs rest.

I found a new subdivision near my house where no homes have been built but most of the roads are in and paved, and it's a perfect place to ride -- no traffic, no one around, a steady series of tiny inclines that make me work a little harder at regular intervals, and the whole three-mile track takes a little less than 20 minutes. I'm hoping that soon, it will take 15 minutes and I can do it twice without needing any stops at all.

Now if I can just avoid the peanut butter pie my evil, evil roommmate made.

I might not know art...

...but I know what I like. There have been some gorgeous photos from the presidential race this year.

As someone who has a hard time photographing people at all, I particularly admire when photographers get not only that great light, but that great expression on someone's face or that one critical moment. It's a skill, an art and a science.

I saw these today and just had to borrow them.

There's a particularly beautiful photo gallery from today's Obama rally in Denver on www.denverpost.com. The rally is the lead story, and just below it there's a link to the slideshow, which has one of the best pictures I've seen of Obama, but it was not copy-able (rightly so, of course -- copyright infringement is wrong, wrong, wrong).

So I'll just urge you to check out the Web site and enjoy these for now. Click on them to enlarge the views.

I like the one of McCain, particularly, because I think it does what all news photos aim to do and that is tell the whole story. You can almost see the whole span of his life in that one shot. At least that's what it feels like to me.

The Polar Bears of Friday

It's so chilly here, it makes me think of polar bears.

The Daily Beast

It's one of my new favorite reads. I tried to add it to my reading list there on the right, but for some reason, the link won't work. Something about no feed for the URL or something. It will work here in this post, though, if you click on the red "It's." You also don't get a good link from my right-hand menu to The Huffington Post.

In any case, you might like them, too.

The Naughty Little Bear of Tuesday

I can just hear my mom, saying "Get out of that garbage" in her gruff voice.

I love his little belly! I want to pet it while feeding him sandwiches and honey.

Wonkette loves Cheap Trick

On Wonkette today, there's a tidbit about McCain "surrendering" (get it?) Colorado, New Mexico and Iowa, and some GENIUS over there posted this picture to go with the item.

Brilliant! And what a surprise to be cruising the political sites and see my favorite band! Happy Tuesday!

Also, look at Robin's pretty, pretty hair. It's hypnotic, blowing in that breeze -- back in the 70s.

The Bike

I went for my first ride this morning, down at Huntington State Park. It was really fun, and it felt great.

I like to call this picture "Bike with Jetta."

As you can see, my bike is nothing a real cyclist would consider, but I like it. It's comfortable and I don't feel like I'm perched atop some forward-leaning death machine. My feet can touch the ground if I need them to, and I can carry things in my little basket.

I wanted the cherry-red model, but the one bike store here that sells Elektras didn't have them. They had this one and pink. Pink. Like Pepto-Bismol pink. Blick. This was the last 2008 model in blue, and I think it's pretty. Because this area is very flat, I didn't feel I needed to get into gears -- or even hand brakes. I love that I just back-pedal to stop.

Still, it needs a banana seat, don't you think? It also needs a name. Help me?

The best thing ever

Thanks to Patti who sent me PENGUINCAMS! The California Academy of Sciences has Web cams on the African penguins. Sweet! Just click on the red text and let the cameras load up, and you can watch the penguins, too!

My new bike

Yep, it's official, I bought a bike today. It's on the back of my Jetta right now. I haven't taken a picture of it yet, but it's blue and white and looks like the bikes we used to ride when we were young, minus the banana seat and the playing cards in the spokes.

And it has a basket. Yeah, it does.

Tomorrow's my day off, and I cannot wait to go for a ride! I'm going to go visit the black-headed squirrels at Brookgreen Gardens.

Sex = terror in S.C.

Apparently, middle schoolers here have a new sex-ed handout. It shows a stick-figure couple kissing, with a label that says "premarital sex." On the same line, there's a syringe, a gun and ... a plane crashing into the World Trade Center.

So stop having premarital sex, you gun-toting, IV-drug-using terrorists! Go to your rooms and play some Grand Theft Auto and watch a few more Saw movies.

The Chimp-Tiger Jamboree of Monday

This is Anjana, a chimp at a British zoo, who's helping raise two tiger cubs, Mitra and Shiva, separated from their mother. Anjana is often a surrogate. She loves tigers and leopards. But who doesn't?

It looks like Shiva is telling Anjana a secret. Or giving her a kiss.

A new look

Just thought I'd update the old blog. Whaddaya think?

One more reason to love South Carolina

So, apparently, it's not illegal to drive drunk on a mo-ped here. It's NOT against the law. In fact, you don't even need a driver's license to use a mo-ped.

I'm getting one of these all-electric Hondas so I can be a drunken-driving jerk AND environmentally conscious at the same time.

I'm gonna paint it candy-apple red and name it the "Liquor-cycle," to be pronounced "liquor-sickle," naturally.

It also needs a sidecar. Or at least a basket for carrying my phone, shoes, an extra bottle (unopened, of course) for when the buzz wears off. And an extension cord so the liquorcycle can get juiced, too.

So humiliating

Ladies and gentlemen -- the wee, tiny chickendog. He's so dejected. Maybe a little angry, too. Someone dressed him up like a chicken. It's not even Halloween yet. This poor little thing. I'd be humiliated, too.

The Boss

I've realized lately that I'm a late-in-life Springsteen fan. I've always liked him, but kind of peripherally. But the more I listen, the more I like. He's an amazing songwriter, but now I feel like I'd like to see a show, too.

Just saw a video of him live in Barcelona, doing "The Rising," and remembered that feeling of pure joy when you're at a show and the band you love comes out on stage and the music starts and everyone's cheering and clapping, and the band is clearly happy to be there.

We need more of that feeling, however it comes.

Gorgeous weather

It's so beautiful here right now. It's been about 80 every day for almost a week with no humidity, and down into the 50s at night. Perfect. It feels like real fall, fall in the Midwest the way I remember it. Last year, we didn't really had a fall here, and maybe this is all we will get this year, but I am really enjoying this.

Jealous...

So, I just had a lovely break from work when our Kim called from Leeds, England, to catch up. Kim's taking a big, big trip this fall to Australia, New Zealand and South Korea. Yes, part of it is to see five (FIVE!) nights of Cheap Trick shows, but part is to visit all those lovely places. I cannot wait to see the pictures and read about his adventures, especially on the U.N. tour to see the DMZ.

Three weeks of nonstop travel, plus CT shows? I'm green with envy.

Kim says he cannot bring me a koala bear, mainly because he doesn't think it will do well in his luggage. I think his luggage would suffer more, actually -- all smelly and sticky like eucalyptus oil, plus the claws could cause some major damage. But maybe we'll get a picture or two for the Bear of Friday -- or the Marsupial of Friday, as it could come to be known.

Here's wishing Kim a great, awesome, safe, fun, spectacular trip. Send lots and loads of photos and say hi to my favorite lead singer in the whole wide world for me. Lucky dog!

Coffee and orangutans

Thanks to Kim for the early morning cuteness. There's nothing like some oranguntans to go with the first cup of coffee. I have to parcel these out, because you will NOT be able to stand it. Look at its little buddha belly!

Happy birthday...

...to I-wish-he-was-my-husband Clive Owen, who is welcome to come on over and get his birthday present any time he wants. It's the same thing I had for him last year, but I haven't seen him to give it to him.

One more reason to go to Bangkok

This is Pong. She's one of the homeless elephants of Bangkok, who wanders the streets begging for food.

Look how excited she is to have found some ice cream on the sidewalk. I was that excited about the new Cheap Trick DVD/CD thing, but I'd be way more excited if I could go to Bangkok and take care of these homeless elephants.

It makes me sad to see Pong's face at finding this little bit of food -- not even real elephant food. Look at her eye. Seriously. This makes me feel like crying for some reason.

Ms. Schnakenberg has said I can stay at her place if I go, but I've dreaded the 20-hour flight. But seeing my friend AND Pong the elephant -- that could be enough.

International Animal Fest

Baby red pandas from Japan, a Romanian cat with hypnotic, Halloween eyes, a Moldovan zebra who looks like a piece of art, and an American monkey called "Tim," who's having a little birthday cake. SFGate's Day in Pictures ROCKS today!

My favorite co-worker...

... is one I've never spoken to. He sits in the back corner of the room, and actually, I'm not even sure what he does.

I know one thing about him:

1. He has a shelf full of "Lord of the Rings" action figures over his CPU, including Gandalf, Gollum and Sauron's fiery eye. I call his corner "The Land of Mordor," but see no reason to go over there. Sauron's eye watches me all day. But I can also see Gandalf, which is reassuring. I wonder if he plays with them after we are all gone for the day.

I so appreciate people's harmless obsessions.

I'm as sleepy as this little bear....

I could fall asleep in a tree right now, though I probably wouldn't apprciate a brach poking my ass cheek. The bear doesn't really seem to mind, though. To each his/her/its own.

I got up super-extra-bonus early this a.m. for a story that now looks like it might not happen today. It required me to sit in the parking lot of a strip club starting at 7 a.m.

It was just a meeting place for some people who are filing a lawsuit in federal court -- I didn't hang out with strippers. But it made me feel a little weird, nonetheless.

Cracked-up on coffee, I waited, and waited, and waited as the attorney labored away inside the club's office to prepare her lawsuit. Three hours later, still not done. Now the coffee has worn off and I'm at the office, still waiting.

Found this bear to start off the week.

It's not the antichrist, either.

There aren't enough exclamation points

Oooohhhhhhhh! It's Christmas already! The 30th anniversary DVD-CD combo of Cheap Trick Live at Budokan! SWEET! Nov. 11 cannot come fast enough! Three CDs and a DVD? Are you kidding? Plus bonus features on the DVD! Produced by Bruce "I Need More Cowbell" Dickinson? Now, please!

Later I'll be mortified that it has been 30 years. Now, I'm just excited.

The High-Fiving Grizzly of Friday

Dang. Not to be messed with.

Apparently, we had a little tropical storm action here yesterday. I thought it was just a blustery day, like in the Winnie the Pooh story. But this morning, my patio umbrella was askew and my potted plants had fallen over.

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I think I'm going to paint my bedroom. Maybe the color of a grizzly. Probably not, though.

Too. Much. Cuteness.

Can't. breathe. Too. cute.

Pass the vodka and smokes or something.

In all seriousness...

Reason the first I can never be the president, president of a large corporation or a business reporter: I don't understand this Wall Street bailout thing.

Seriously -- this is not a political statement of any kind. I just need someone to explain this to me.

I've been reading everything I can, but I'm still unclear about a few things:

1. How did this happen?
2. Isn't this free-market capitalism? Someone starts a business, and it's their job to make it run correctly. Right? And if the business isn't successful, for whatever reason, isn't the owner responsible for that loss? How does it become my responsibility to pay for it?
3. What happens if we DON'T bail out these companies? I mean, I hear what politicians are saying. What I want is a straight answer from someone who doesn't have a dog in the political hunt.
4. Should I take my investments out of my Fidelity account and just put the money in the bank?

Anyone who understands this stuff more than me -- which is probably everyone -- please, please explain it minus the partisan politics. Explain it like you're talking to a 5-year-old, because I am confused.

I lied

I don't actually want to be a surgeon. You know I can't stand blood, guts, needles, scalpels or really anything in the medical realm.

But maybe in my next life I can marry Bob Cesca. Or, you know, just clean his house, tune up his bike or wash his dog or something.

And no, you pervs, "wash his dog" is not a euphemism. Either is "tune up his bike."

My next career

I've decided I want to be a surgeon. I know, I haven't been to medical school, but my dad was a doctor, and I have had surgery and known people who have had it.

So I'm probably in the vicinity of qualified, right? Especially with a couple weeks of brushing up on my skills.

You'd support me, right? And let me operate on your kids?

Just wondering.

Why wait for Friday?

Here's the new Swinging Bear of Monday. He's black and white and artsy.

Thanks, Veronica!

Quiet Sunday evening

Oh, the last night of my friend Jocelyn being here. I liked having company this week.

We went to see "Ghost Town" today. Very funny, and touching. I heart Ricky Gervais. Made me want to watch "Extras" all over again.

We went to Lowe's and I chose four samples of paint to try on my bedroom walls, and all of them suck. Vomitous.

I am uninspired by my bedroom. But I did have some good luck printing photos to frame, and if I ever choose a background color for my walls, I'm sure they will look lovely.

Jocelyn is reading research for her master's thesis while I'm burning CDs for my new Cheap Trick boyfriend. Well, he's not really my boyfriend, but we bonded over our love for Cheap Trick (although he has only seen them six times) the other night at Team Trivia, where he's the DJ/host. The category was lyrics, and as soon as he said "Mommy's..." I almost screamed "Surrender!" which would, of course, have helped all the other teams. I didn't do it. But I was happy. Now if he'd only ask Sopranos questions...We were in second place going into the final question, but, sadly, did not get all parts of the answer correct.

It's OK, though, because I have a new Cheap Trick friend! Who might be fun to kiss. Hmmm... bonus!

The Vicious Attack Dog of Friday

If this prairie dog was my pet, I'd name him Sid, as in Vicious.

The Cash of Friday

9/12/03.

This will be an all-Cash day for me.

The all-girl show

Well, my neighbors who suspect my roommate and I are a couple will have extra fodder for gossip this week when Jen arrives Friday night and Jocelyn gets here Wednesday. Plus, we're watching Jen's dog, Lucy, who is, of course, a girl.

The neighbor lady asked Claudia one day how the two of us met and how long we had been living together. The guy two doors down will not wave to us or even acknowledge is, we're such an abomination.

I can't help it -- I delight in saying naughty things when Claudia and I are in the front yard. One day she was helping me unload some supplies from Lowe's, and we were joking about who was stronger (it's NOT me), and really loudly I said "I guess the neighbors will know who wears the penis in our family."

After the girls start arriving, I'm sure they are going to assume we've turned our house into the Isle of Lesbos.

Whatever, rednecks.

I think we'll be barbecuing some mooseburgers this weekend, actually.

Thank god

Even if the world comes to an end, Stephen Colbert will live on -- as long as aliens are willing to clone him.

Genius! Yup, yup.

Bye Bye Hanna

Hanna blew through quickly, knocked the power out in some places and left quite a bit of water in others, but people aren't reporting any real damage. The sun is trying to come out now, and there's a little, tiny baby gecko sunning himself on the shrub outside my back door.

Hanna's on her way up north. Hope she heads on out to sea soon.

I feel so sorry for the people in Haiti. Gustav, Hanna, and soon Ike. The floods haven't even receded there from Hanna and now they are about to get hit again, and Hanna killed at least 137 people there. We got lucky, but they sure didn't.

The Red Cross's disaster relief fund is empty, their CEO is saying on CNN, and there are still 800,000 people without power from Gustav in the Gulf Coast area.

Liveblogging the storm... maybe

Just before 5 p.m. The humidity level jumped, the rain started, and the wind is gusting a bit, off and on. There's a tornado warning, too, for, well, pretty much everywhere from N.C. to the Gulf of Mexico. But the skies look nothing like I've ever seen before a tornado, so I don't think it's a big worry here.

So far, no worse than an average rainy day here.

8:50 p.m. Yawn. I'm spackling some spots in my bedroom and bathroom. It's raining. I folded laundry. Bored.

9:05: OK, spoke too soon. Now it's a downpour and the wind has picked up.

1:30 a.m.: Yep, still awake. Apparently, the deluge earlier was just a preview. Hanna is supposed to make landfall here in the next hour. It's not raining now, and there's no wind. Our power flashed off and on a couple times about an hour ago. Here's hoping it doesn't go out.

I'm just sitting here looking up things on the Internets and beginning to seriously think about my next trip to Italy. Spring 2010, baby. This time I'm going to plan for Venice, Turin, the Cinque Terre, Florence and, of course, Rome. I have to see it again. That gives me a little more than a year to save up, panhandle for spare change, get a second roommate to but down on the bills, whatever. And plan. And daydream. I cannot wait to see Rome again.

Probably it's time for bed, but I kind of want to see what happens at landfall time.

Day 2 Update -- Surf's Up!

Another nice shot by Jessmore.

So now Hanna is supposed to make landfall south of us, exposing this area to her stronger, northern side.

Still battened.

Hurricane Watch, Day 2

OK, I didn't get any good pictures, so I'm borrowing one from one of our fabulous photogs. This is, of course, copyrighted. Props to Steve Jessmore.

Hanna's stopping by Florida and should be here this evening. We're all secure and yes, I have duct tape.

The weather service says we could get waves of 12 to 14 feet. Great time for surfing! Hanna's supposed to touch down north of here, but not by much, about midnight, but her wind and rain precedes her. Could be 39 mph to 73 mph. Wahoo!

Hurricane Watch, Day 1

Here's a picture of Hanna staggering drunkenly around the Bahamas for a few days while Gustav was hitting the Gulf region. Now, she's on her way here. At this point she's weak, still a tropical storm, but getting a little stronger. We should start seeing some wind and rain about noon tomorrow.

Here's the forecast right now: Horry County (yes, I live in Horry County. Go ahead with the "Whore-y" jokes) could start to feel the impact of the approaching storm early Friday morning into Friday late afternoon, with the strongest conditions being felt late Friday evening into early Saturday morning. The current track brings Hanna into the South Carolina/North Carolina border at the extreme northeastern tip of Horry County as a potential Category 1 storm. As the storm approaches and makes landfall, residents of Horry County (go ahead again) can expect 40 – 60 mph sustained winds, 2-4 inches of rain, and a chance of isolated tornadoes. Storm surge could be 2-4 feet with an elevated high tide that is 1-3 feet above normal.

No, I'm not worried, and yes, I'm prepared.

I love storms.

Don't look! It's horrible!

A polar bear attacking a zoo worker! Oh, the humanity!

Holy Hanna

It's a gorgeous, perfect, warm-but-not-humid, breezy, clear day here. You'd never guess there's a hurricane coming.

Chronic

I think my insomnia is becoming pathological. 4 a.m. 4. That's when I finally dozed off. Had to get up at 6 to be at work at 7. I'm already hating today.

Way to go

Gas prices suddenly went up in the gulf states today. Way to help people out.

The Funny Non-Endangered Polar Bear of Friday

In more than two years, I don't think I've laughed as hard as I have today. Whee!

Sometimes it's funny

Bill Richardson reminds me of my secret crush, Oliver Platt. Especially when he makes wicked little flip-flop jokes and smirks. They should have Oliver Platt speak tonight, too.

I'm watching the DNC on MSNBC, and Gore is speaking. He hadn't even gotten 10 words out before they cut to a shot of some guy weeping in the audience. Dude -- he hadn't even gotten to global warming yet. Save it.

Hello, 5 a.m.

Well, at least I made it past 3. Apparently, there's a rooster in my brain.

Who needs sleep?

It's 5:15 a.m. I've been awake since 3. I fell asleep at 11:30. I have city council at 9 and I'm wide awake.

Why? Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 4:30, and now this.

When I went to bed, I was thinking it would be nice to get up early, with time to make coffee and have breakfast before the meeting. I was thinking 7, not 3 o'fucking clock.

Now I'm watching Sex and the City reruns and waiting to put laundry in the dryer, and come 7 a.m., I'll be ready to go back to bed.

Oh! There's the garbage man. Great.

Huh...

Maybe I'm the only one who finds humor in signs, but today on my way to the pharmacy I saw two that kind of made me laugh.

One said "Ethiopian Cuisine ... and subs." One of these things is not like the other.

The other one was for a chicken place that had "41 flavors of wings." OK, but I bet it all tastes like chicken. Seriously -- I couldn't even think of that many possibilities for chicken wings. Cherry flavor? Would that be one?

The Roos of Friday

Apparently, kangaroos are scrappy. I think they're cute.

Some days...

...like today, when it's windy and overcast, I like to imagine I could see what this place would have looked like before people discovered it.

Looks like we're getting the uppermost part of Fay. On the weather map, it looks like one curving arm of a green mass that's sitting on Florida. Some rain with the wind would be nice, but only today, please, because tomorrow's my day off and I want to work on my yard.

Harry Potter and the Naked Horsey Play

Dear Daniel Radcliffe --

I know you're a very serious actor afraid to be typecast as Harry Potter, afraid you'll suffer the same fate as Gary Coleman or that kid from "Eight is Enough" who was so cute when he was little then grew up to be some kind of degenerate. No, not Willie Aames. He just participated in "Charles in Charge" before becoming "Bible Man."

I support your future acting career. I support your success and your ability to get a role in "Equus" in London and on Broadway, even though, in my opinion, you should probably have taken a couple little acting classes first.

Hell, I even support your right to be naked on stage. You're a good looking kid, and nakedness isn't an issue for me.

Except now.

Your desire to be in "Equus" is infringing on my need -- my right! -- to see the next installment of the Harry Potter movies.

Yes, because you're naked on stage this fall on Broadway, the distributors of the Harry Potter movies have held up the release of "Half-Blood Prince" until next summer. NEXT SUMMER.

They don't want kids seeing identifying Harry Potter with Naked You.

I know, too late.

The actual naked pictures of you are on every teenage girl's Dan Radcliffe fansite. But we Americans can't admit that legions of pubescent girls have already seen your Full Monty. We have to pretend no one's seen anything they shouldn't and hold up the movie because to have girls identifying you as a sex symbol -- well, that just won't do. Ahem.

Seriously. Listen, kid, you have the rest of your life to be naked on stage. In 2011, you can go skipping through Picadilly Circus naked and scattering violets and no one will think anything of it, because you're rich and famous.

You'll still be cute after all the Potter movies have been released on DVD, I'll feel less creepy about going to see "Equus" when you're a little older, I won't have to wait ANOTHER YEAR to see "Half-Blood Prince," and you'll have time for those acting lessons.

It's a win-win, baby.

So go put your goddamn pants on, fly back across The Pond and get back to Hogwarts.

Thanks.

The Penguin of Sunday

From my dear friend Kim, in Leeds, England, comes this slice of adorableness. They knighted a penguin who lives at the Edinburgh Zoo. Watch the video -- it's great. The penguin, called Sir Nils Olav, clearly has no problem with people.

Thanks, Kim!

Jethro finds Bigfoot

Check out the monkey suit. I think Jim Belushi wore this same outfit in "Trading Places." If this turns out to be real, I'll eat the carcass. Well, OK, not really. I'll eat a pound of bananas.

Why Wednesdays rock

Because the new issue of The Onion is online today. In perusing the latest issue, I found this classic article from 2001. Enjoy!

Heartbreak Friday

Poor Elizabeth. Why? WHY?

Why can't THIS be my job?

I want to be the "elephant manager!" I want to hang out with baby elephants!

When did this happen?

Just read this piece of a "leaked" McCain strategy memo:

"Draw the parallel with the same kind of bold leadership that McCain demonstrated in pushing the surge strategy that allowed us to win in Iraq. Need that same vision, intensity and leadership to attack our economic problems."

Um, does anyone know when, exactly, we won in Iraq? Is the war over, then? Does that mean troops can come home now?

Just wondering if someone knows.

Go ahead, add your own caption. So many possibilities.

Red velvet cake

Someone brought red velvet cake to work today. Even though it's not from scratch, the tiny little corner I nibbled was still tasty. But it made me want the red velvet cake we had when Peter and Kevin came to visit. Mmmmmm.

Yes, it really is that red.

If you've never had it, run, now, and find a place that makes it from scratch. Don't get coffee with it -- you don't want a mocha taste with red velvet cake. Maybe this weekend I will try making one of my own.

Shocked

And here I didn't think I could be shocked anymore.

Here's what I learned in the past 24 hours:

1. South Carolina is like its own country. One where you CAN arrest people in secret.

2. It's OK to keep doing something wrong, because it's always been done like that.

3. There is a very, very large spider living just outside my back door. VERY large.

4. Joel, who introduced me to The X-Files, has not gone to see the movie yet.

Dear Joel: Yes, you should go see it. It's like a decent stand-alone episode, no aliens or alien conspiracies, and it's great to see Mulder and Scully again, though Mulder's snarky little twinkle seems to have been replaced by a very serious tone. Of course, some of that might have to do with his and Scully's baby, whose absence is never fully explained. All in all, there are some flaws in the script, but it's still fun to see them again and worth watching. Don't take the kids though.

Your friend,
Ms. Ebert.

Roo'd Behavior

I know this isn't really funny, and I'm sure this zoo worker was pretty bruised, but this kangaroo served her. It makes me wonder what memories were triggered when Kanga saw her come into the pen with that shiny shovel.

Yikes. This video put some people off kangaroos, but I am not scared. Just don't withhold their snacks.

And no, the photo isn't from the video. It's just a picture I found.