Just wondering

What does it mean when you stop trying to figure out what or where things went wrong? Is it acceptance? Does it mean you don't care anymore?

I've always asked why -- why things happen the way they do, why they work out the way they do, why some plan or idea went wrong, why one path works while another doesn't.

And I've had some big whys to puzzle over. But lately it seems like "why" never even enters my head anymore, while "oh" is always there.

Maybe I'm just tired of asking the same question over and over and rarely getting answers.

F.U., back

I did 15 minutes on the treadmill without letting my back rest this morning! With only Motrin! It started hurting at 6 minutes and got worse until 8 minutes, but then it hit a pain plateau I could live with.

So basically, my bad back can suck it.

It's not stopping me.

And when I get a new doctor who's willing to help me instead of telling me he's an "instrument of God" -- a phrase I only ever want to hear in my favorite book, "Owen Meany," NOT from my doctor, who is supposed to believe in actual medical science -- I'm going to be a walking machine.

Well, not a literal machine. That would be weird. But I'll be someone who walks. And enjoys it.