Thursday, August 27, 2009

Kitties


Vivan needed a friend to play with, so I got Lola at the animal shelter. Isn't she pretty? She's very loving and purrs loudly. She loves to pretend she's a living fur scarf, and she loves to play. At first, there was lots of hissing between Lola and Vivian, but now they share food dishes and even a little upper respiratory infection, so they are quarantined from each other until Monday and each getting doses of eye ointment.

But when they can hang out together again, they will be very happy.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Just wondering

What does it mean when you stop trying to figure out what or where things went wrong? Is it acceptance? Does it mean you don't care anymore?

I've always asked why -- why things happen the way they do, why they work out the way they do, why some plan or idea went wrong, why one path works while another doesn't.

And I've had some big whys to puzzle over. But lately it seems like "why" never even enters my head anymore, while "oh" is always there.

Maybe I'm just tired of asking the same question over and over and rarely getting answers.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

F.U., back

I did 15 minutes on the treadmill without letting my back rest this morning! With only Motrin! It started hurting at 6 minutes and got worse until 8 minutes, but then it hit a pain plateau I could live with.

So basically, my bad back can suck it.

It's not stopping me.

And when I get a new doctor who's willing to help me instead of telling me he's an "instrument of God" -- a phrase I only ever want to hear in my favorite book, "Owen Meany," NOT from my doctor, who is supposed to believe in actual medical science -- I'm going to be a walking machine.

Well, not a literal machine. That would be weird. But I'll be someone who walks. And enjoys it.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tired

So tired.

My medicine keeps my blood pressure and heart rate low, which makes me so tired.

But rest is good, right? It helps the body heal. That's what I tell myself as I'm taking my old-lady naps.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Crossing a bridge?

Normally I hate the treadmill. I hate walking because it causes me pain. Pain sucks.

But part of my cardiac rehab is walking on the treadmill. Every day I dread it. I'm supposed to be doing 15 minutes now, but I have to break it up into halves because I usually can't make it past seven or eight minutes before my lower back locks up and my hipbones feel like hey are made of glass shards. I have to stop and let my back relax, and then I can go on.

But this morning, something changed. I got up to seven minutes, where I usually stop, and the pain was there but not the worst it has been. So I thought I'd just go to eight minutes. At eight minutes, the pain hadn't really changed, so I figured I could make nine. At nine, the pain was getting somewhat worse, but not unbearable, so I went to 10.

That seems like nothing to most people, but for me, it's a very big deal because for years now, I have not been able to walk more than a block without pain -- sometimes even half a block.

I can't wait to try again tomorrow.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Back to work today

It's been two weeks since I got out of the hospital, and it's time to go back to work. Part of me would like to stay home longer, but not because I feel poorly, just because it's kind of nice having a life of leisure. Nice, but also a little boring.

The only thing is, I'm going to miss Vivian when I'm gone all day!

She's definitely getting bigger, and it seems like her hair is getting longer, too.

She's quite a little huntress -- of feet. Ouch.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Cardiac rehab

So I learned a couple things this morning, my third visit to cardiac rehab.

First, I am a solo work-out person. I don't want to be watched, and I certainly don't want people monitoring me, at least people who are not health professionals.

Cardiac rehab is full of, of course, older people. I know they mean well, but this man on the treadmill next to me and a woman on a recumbent bike behind me almost worked themselves into second heart attacks and equipment accidents this morning because they were so busy paying attention to me.

My back is still bad, and walking is painful. So the treadmill is a special kind of torture that, I've decided, will not break me. If I am going to enjoy Italy next year, I have to be able to walk with less pain. But for now, I have to stop every few minutes and let my back relax.

So I'm on the treadmill, and I stop and lean over to stretch my back, and the woman behind me starts screaming "Turn off the machine! Turn off the belt!" And the man next to me hops off his treadmill. I look over and they are looking at me and the nurse comes running over to see if everyone's OK.

Yes, I say, I am fine. Just letting my back relax so I can keep going. The man is worried because he saw me bending over and thought I was too out of breath. The woman was upset because she saw the man losing his footing.

Later, she tells me "you really got my adrenaline going. Don't do that."

OK, I said, but I was thinking much meaner thoughts.

The second thing I learned is that I can like this exercise thing. It actually feels good, other than the back pain. Maybe I can do it not because I have to, but because I want to.

Hmmm.

As long as I can do it alone.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Kitty pix

Look at the belly:


And the Flying Paws of Fury:

Saturday, June 6, 2009

In love with this tiny cat


I know everyone thinks their pet is the cutest, but mine really is. She's smaller than my TV remote control. She likes to lie belly up on the couch and jam her paws in her mouth. Her back legs are too-big jackrabbit legs, and she hops around the room right after she eats and geta a burst of energy. She has a tiny chirp of uncertaintly when she's exploring and gets herself into a place she wasn't expecting. Sometimes she comes up to my face and licks my nose and when she sleeps, I can't leave her alone because she's so darn cute.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Meet Vivian

This is Vivian, my new kitten. She's about six weeks old and was being turned in at the animal shelter, so I took her home. Very sweet to look at, but she's actually a finger-eating cat-demon who likes to hide in the couch cushions and stalk me. HELP!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Shark alert!

Whenever I turn on the TV and see that "Jaws" is on, I always say hi to my dad, because he knew it is my favorite movie, and whenever it was on, he'd make sure I knew it.

Didn't matter if I was already in bed. He'd knock softly on my door and wake me up to tell me "Honey, 'Jaws' is on."

He didn't distinguish between the various sequels and the original, though, so sometimes I'd get up hoping to catch my very favorite part (where Robert Shaw tells the story of the USS Indianapolis), only to see the leathery Denis Quaid in the extra-crappy 3-D version, or even worse, Michael Caine in the craptacular "Jaws 4," with the famous roaring great white shark.

It's always a surprise when I flip on HBO or TNT and there's "Jaws," but it's never a surprise when I hear my dad's voice right away. "Honey, 'Jaws' is on."

Hi daddy. Wanna watch it with me?

Six days, no revelations

Just catching up on movies I wanted to see and didn't actually go to the cinema for, resting, relaxing and thinking about what's next. Seems like something's telling me change is imminent, yes? No? Maybe so?

Tomorrow I'm going to the knitting shop because I need something to do with my hands, and going to increase my walking because I need to get my little black heart into shape.

I wonder what it looks like right now. Is it bruised like the rest of me? Seriously. Parts of me look like I was beaten with a bat. I mean black patches, like that guy Beck Weathers who lost parts after getting frostbite on Everest.

And what is it doing in there? I don't trust it completely now. It could be up to just about anything and apparently, I wouldn't even know it.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Apparently, my heart WAS broken

A myocardial infarction feels exactly like books describe.

Gripping, squeezing pain like some unseen hand is wringing every drop of blood out of your heart before slamming it around inside your chest for a while; a sickening dull ache down the right arm and a sharper, icy pain across your lower jaw like having a few frozen needles stuck in your gums; nausea, cold sweats.

It's a good fucking time.

I know because last Wednesday morning, about 1 a.m., I had one. Mine was mild-moderate, and I'm not a baby about pain, but I NEVER want to feel a severe heart attack.

And, when he stuck the heart catheter in, my new cardiologist found out I'd had one previously. Both in the front of my heart, both closed off arteries.

I actually slept through most of this one, too, because as I realized what was happening and was trying to decide whether to drive myself to the hospital, call 911 or wake up my roommate, I simply fell back asleep. Went to work the next morning, just a little bit of leftover pain, and saw my family doctor after lunch.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm on my way to the emergency room, four hours later I'm on complete bed-rest in the ICU.

Modern medical miracles. Late Thursday afternoon, after some injections, a knitting-needle-diameter incision, a couple of guide wires inserted in the femoral artery, a balloon here, a stint or two there and six hours of laying flat on my back, my heart is circulating mostly as it should be -- a little depressed, but, hey, who isn't? -- except for the congenital outflow valve defect that will have to be repaired someday. But that's off in the distance, after the doctors have figured out how to do it without cracking my chest open because, really, no thanks.

I'm home, four days later, watching "Jurassic Park" and sorting out my new medications, getting ready to go have my first of two short walks for the day.

I feel fine, if a little tired. I'm bruised all over, especially my arms and hands from where I had IVs and blood draws, because I'm on blood thinners now -- I look like a junkie. Not supposed to lift, push or pull anything until my doctor gives me the all-clear and I start cardiac-rehab on Tuesday (likely I'll be the youngest person there).

All of a sudden I'm more aware than ever before of little pains and how deeply I'm breathing and whether my heart is beating normally. I'm aware of how I have to carefully stand so as not to put too much pressure on the femoral-incision site (because you don't want THAT to start bleeding). I'm aware that by not getting help right away, I probably made things harder for myself, and that heart attacks on the left side of the heart are worse than on the right, and that mine was on the left and that the emergency room doctor was unsure how I'd survived. I'm aware that with all my risk factors, I probably shouldn't have, but I'm also aware that my body and I are a lot stronger than I give myself credit for sometimes.

I want to say I have had some kind of epiphany, and maybe it's just my antidepressants that stop me from getting too excited about anything, but right now it just feels like one more thing to add on to the heap of drama of the past three years. Glad to still be here? Yeah. Happy I didn't have to have bypass surgery? Hell yeah. Happy I got to sleep through the first three days of quitting smoking? Umm, yes.

The only thing I can guess is that my purpose is not done yet. I guess now I have to find out what it is.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Love weekend company

Things I love: When friends visit, how clean the house is, being out on the ocean looking for dolphins (even though we didn't see any), being a dork and playing mini-golf, getting an icy slushie on a hot, hot day, cooking breakfast for friends. Yay!

So glad Kevin and Dan came to visit!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

From grrrr to purr...

I can't explain other than to say the woman I just talked to on the phone was unnecessarily rude and snappish. Bitch, please.

I need to think of happy things, like the fact that my bedroom is finally coming together.

After a painting party last weekend, it is now all sunflowers and pumpkins and is a happy place to wake up. I painted over the mud-and-blood-colored wall I thought was a good idea when I saw the paint swatches in the store. Whew. And hung up my travel photos -- at least some. I don't have enough wall space for all of them, and couldn't afford to frame them all, anyway. But now I am surrounded by pictures of Rome, Florence and Scotland. Sigh. Happier already.

And I get to see Kevin and Dan this weekend. And go dolphin watching out on the ocean. And I'm making cream scones for Sunday breakfast, and maybe we'll play mini-golf or something else fun. Happy, happy, happy.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Flip me, I'm done

Back in my pre-newspaper days, I worked a lot of different jobs, including at a care home for developmentally disabled and schizophrenic people.

One woman, Betty, was confined to a wheelchair, and when she'd get really angry at someone, she would fling herself forward and backward with enough force to flip her wheelchair over. We'd have to pick her and the chair up while she flailed furiously on her back.

Sometimes -- just for a milisecond -- I wish I could flip my office chair over that way. The problem is, I'm usually only that angry at my stupid laptop, and it certainly wouldn't be able to pick me up off the floor. This lame-ass thing can barely deal with having to open Word and Explorer in the same decade.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Too long, too late

It has been almost three years since I left California, and I sure wish I had gotten back there to visit sooner.

My brother Drew was sick in the hospital the week my mom would have turned 86, and half an hour before I got on my flight from Wilmington to Sacramento to go visit him, he died. I wish I'd been there with him, to hold his hand.

I have very few real memories of my childhood, but the ones I do have often involve Drew. We were the closest in age. He was only 55. Drew introduced me to some of the things that have remained part of my life since, like The Beatles, The Stones, "The Hobbit" and Star Trek. When I went to see the new movie last week, I kept thinking I couldn't wait to call him and talk about it.

As I was working on my room this weekend, I put up a framed picture of him next to ones of my parents, and realized I have a little shrine to my dead relatives there. Which is OK, I think. I'll light a candle for them and hope they are all together now, taking care of each other.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Happy birthday

To my little mommy, who would have been 86 today.

Monday, March 30, 2009

What's with the makeup?

This morning, one of my coworkers asked me "What's with the makeup?" in an accusatory tone.

"Makeup?"

"Yeah, the eye-liner or whatever."

"It's just mascara, and I always wear it."

"Oh," he says, like he's saying "riiiiiight, sure you do." Like I was up to something.

I never go out of the house without mascara. So what's with the grilling?

I just got a new tube of mascara, so it is probably thicker than usual, and I am wearing lipstick, which I do sometimes.

Monday, March 16, 2009

A Plea from the Polar Bears

Come on with the global warming already. Enough!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Catching up again

OK, I know, it has been a while since I blogged. There's been a lot going on, but nothing I felt like writing about.

I just got back (OK, it was actually four days ago) from a quick weekend trip to Boston to visit Kevin and Dan and Felix. So much fun. I just missed snow both coming and going. It was in the 60s and we had time to visit the Isabella Stewart Gardener Art Museum and cook duck a l'orange on Friday, then we drove to Maine on Saturday, so I got to see three states in one day because we had to pass through New Hampshire, where you're allowed to buy liquor at state-run booze barns and you don't have to wear a seat belt in the car. Live Free or Die indeed!

The rocky Maine coast is gorgeous, and even though we didn't find Walker Ranch and flip off the Bush family, we had a lovely day and ate lobster rolls.

On Sunday, we had a hard time leaving the apartment because Wii fever struck, but we made it out for dim sum in Chinatown, then back home for more Mario Kart, mainly getting beaten by 10-year-olds who have much faster hand-eye coordination.

Here are some pictures:
The handsome Felix.

Dan & Kevin in Maine.

Me at the North Atlantic.

A lighthouse on the coast.

And back in Boston, the building where the Declaration of Independence was read to the community from this balcony. Ahh, history.

Friday, February 6, 2009

WARNING: Journalism talk ahead

My editor forwarded this on to us today, and I think it's lovely. For me, some of this is still the heart of why I love this profession, even though the corporate bullshit sucks.

When Ken Paulson left USA Today for the Newseum, he offered these parting words:

...I can certainly understand why newspapers are not viewed as trendy. After all, they were really the iPods of 1690.

But humor me, and consider this alternate history: Imagine if Gutenberg had invented a digital modem rather than a printing press, and that for centuries all of our information had come to us online.

Further, imagine if we held a press conference announcing the invention of an intriguing new product called the “newspaper.”

That press conference might go something like this: “We're pleased to announce a new product that will revolutionize the way you access information. It will save you time and money and keep you better informed than ever before.

“Just consider the hours you've spent on the internet looking for information of interest to you. We've hired specialists who live and work in your hometown to cull information sources and provide a daily report tailored to your community, your friends and your neighbors.

“We also know that you sometimes wonder whether you can trust the information you see online. We plan to introduce a painstaking new process called 'fact-checking' in which we actually verify the information before we pass it along to you.

“In addition to saving time online, you'll also save money. You won't need those expensive color ink cartridges or reams of paper because information will be printed out for you in full color every day.

“You’ll also save money on access charges and those unpleasant fights over who gets time on the computer because this product will be physically delivered to your home at the same time each day, for less than what you would tip the guy from Pizza Hut.

“You worry about your kids stumbling across porn on the internet, but this product is pre-screened and guaranteed suitable for the whole family.

“And in a security breakthrough, we guarantee newspapers to be absolutely virus-free, and promise the elimination of those annoying pop-up ads.

“It's also the most portable product in the world, and doesn’t require batteries or electricity. And when the flight attendant tells you to turn off your electronic devices, you can actually turn this on, opening page after page without worrying about interfering with the plane's radar.

“ To top it all off, you don't need a long-term warranty or service protection program. If you're not happy with this product on any day, we'll redesign it and bring you a new one the next day.”

I can see the headlines now: "Cutting-edge newspapers threaten Google’s survival.”
My point, of course, is that newspapers remain an extraordinary information bargain, and we shouldn't be selling them short or lose sight of the qualities that make American journalism so critical to our democracy.

As I leave USA Today, I’m going down the street to the Newseum, a place with a 74-foot high marble First Amendment tablet, and a commitment to preserving these fundamental freedoms. ...I also want to reflect for a moment on the First Amendment and its importance to both our nation and our profession.

The 45 words of the First Amendment were written in 1791; they’ve gone unchanged but certainly not unchallenged. And collectively those fundamental freedoms have truly made America what it is today.

Throughout world history, what has driven war and division? Very often religious differences spark conflicts. That first generation of Americans said, “I will honor your faith if you honor mine.” What an extraordinary decision to make in 1791.

What else causes instability in this world? What leads to governments being overthrown? Well, typically when the people that they don’t feel they have a voice. So that first generation of Americans said, “You have the power of petition and assembly and the right to speak out whenever you want."

And what leads to revolution and overthrown governments? When the people in charge are corrupt and they abuse their power. The Founding Fathers gave us a free press to keep an eye on our leaders and to stand up to them on behalf of the American people.

What an amazing set of liberties. It’s not a coincidence that the most dynamic, creative and powerful nation in the history of the planet is also the most free.

With the support of the American people, the Founding Fathers created a new and powerful government, but also guaranteed the kind of a free press that would take a stand for liberty and justice. That mission has not changed.

When cuts have to be made and resources are reduced, we need to remember that core commitment to the American people. Some say stock pages are on their way out, others say TV listings are obsolete, but our watchdog role is not expendable. And keeping an eye on people in power is still job one.

I remain bullish about the future of newspapers and the journalism they produce, but there's no question that shifting demographics and emerging technologies like Kindle and its successors will mean that there will one day be a final day of on-paper publication for the last remaining American newspaper. I hope that day is a long time from now.

But on that last day of publication, perhaps when the last newspaper staff has dwindled to one journalist through buyouts, layoffs and furloughs, I'd like to think the last newspaper reporter will be sitting outside the office of a mayor, governor or president, determined to tell Americans what they need to know in that final, final edition. I know that last reporter will be tenacious, committed, and passionate...

I'm leaving a profession I absolutely love, but I leave it with the confidence that American Journalism will prevail, regardless of platform or medium.

When we do our jobs the right way, when we strive every day to publish reports of integrity and balance, when we ask the tough questions, when we fight to keep the public’s business public and when we provide the kind of thorough and balanced reporting that is the life blood of a democracy, we fulfill our promise to that first generation of Americans who believed that one of the best ways to guarantee a democracy was a free and vigorous press.

We owe our readers and viewers a daily report that we’re proud of, embracing our First Amendment freedoms while living up to our professional responsibilities.

There are people counting on us.

Friday, January 30, 2009

WARNING: Lizard Sex Pictured Below



Oh! You didn't look away fast enough, did you?

Headline: Ancient Sex Lizard Makes Babies

The National Geographic, or NatGeo, tells us this New Zealand tuatara (the one on top), a rare direct descendant of dinosaurs that walked the Earth 225 million years ago, is 111 and just fathered 11 babies.

Tuataras can live to be 250 years old, so really, he's only middle aged.

His keepers thought he was "out of the mating game" because he was very grumpy and attacked other tuataras who came near him -- even females -- until they removed a cancerous tumor from his genitals.

Yep, that would do it, all right.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Our nation's Capitol

Just thought I'd post some of the photos I took while I was in D.C. this weekend. It was a great, lovely, cold, snowy, icy trip, so wonderful to see Kevin, as always. We crammed in visits to the National Archives, two Smithsonians, a monument tour and a delicious tapas-and-paella dinner at Jaleo.

We got the hookup tour through Mike's congressional connections with our own park ranger from the Department of the Interior, who drove us around all day and explained all the mouments' symbolism and history to us.

A LOT of the setup from the inauguration was still in place, especially around the Capitol, and there were a great many porta-potties still on the National Mall, and the only good view we could get of The People's House was from the top of the Washington Monument.

Here are some views:

Our Capitol, as seen from the top of the Washington Monument.

My favorite president -- so far.

The Supreme Court.

The People's House.

Yes, that's the real Constitution.

The World War II Memorial.

Our nation's largest penis. Oh, I mean, The Washington Monument.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Many Bears of Thursday


Thanks to Patti for the Many Bears of Thursday. They are at the Chengdu breeding center in China. I would love that job.

Them: "Here, we'll pay you to play with baby Panda bears. You'll bottle feed them and cuddle them."

Me: "Um, YES!"

I'm getting very excited for my trip to D.C. on Saturday, except for the getting up at 5:30 a.m. part.

Hope everyone watched the new show "Lie to Me" last night, because my fabulously talented nephew did the sets. Tim Roth was, as usual, awesome. It was a pretty interesting show. I could see myself getting into it. Check it out if you get a chance, Wednesdays at 9 on Fox.

Today would have been my daddy's 86th birthday, so I'm going to wish him a happy one anyway. Who knows? Maybe he will hear me.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A rare day

Wow. Just wow. Check out the front of the Capitol and all the way down the National Mall. Two miles of people, all cheering.

And it did, indeed, snow in MB today. It didn't stick, but it snowed.

Monday, January 19, 2009

So...

It feels like forever since I last posted here. No particular reason for the absence, really. Maybe just too lazy. Heh heh.

Thanks to Peter, Kevin and Dan, I had a lovely birthday weekend bash in Boston, playing Wii until all hours of the night (Yay for Raving Rabbids!), visiting witchy old Salem and eating too much amazing food. They took me to Blue Ginger in Wellesley for my birthday, and while I never was that tempted watching chef Ming Tsai cook on PBS, his restaurant is incredible.

Plus, because Kevin and Dan's friends Al and Doug joined us, I got to spend my birthday with five handsome men.

What more could a girl ask for? Well, Clive Owen wasn't there, but I understand. He's busy.

Then, right after I got back from Boston, Ms. Schnakenberg graced me with a visit, all the way from Bangkok. Well, really she was just coming from Baltimore, where she visited before MB as part of her Month in the US Tour.

We shopped, or rather she shopped, we ate, we watched movies, we talked and talked and talked and plotted me going to Bangkok, maybe next year.

And this Saturday, I'm catching an early flight up to D.C. to spend five days. The first three will be all sightseeing, and the last two, I'm covering our city's lobbying trip as officials try to nab some of the new federal stimulus money.

Kevin's coming down from Boston to meet me for Sunday and Monday, and because he has never been to D.C. before, we're going to try and squeeze in as much museum time as possible. At least two Smithsonians -- Natural History and Air and Space, I think -- the Spy Museum, Ford's Theater, all on the list.

My friend Mike, who works for a California congressman, is hooking us up with a VIP tour of the monuments on Monday, with our very own park ranger who will drive us from place to place so we don't have to try and run the National Mall, and even take us up the top of the Washington Monument. He said the tour includes Arlington Cemetery, which is always moving, and maybe more so now because of the Iraq War graves.

If there's a way to fit in the White House, I'm gonna try. But it seems doubtful. There's just too much else to see, and we won't have time to wait in line. That's the other thing about the VIP tour -- no waiting. Because we are VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE, dammit.

I'll bring my laptop because I'll have to file stories from DC, so I'll try and download some pictures, too.

It'll be fun to go back there. I haven't been since I left in 88, and I haven't seen the FDR memorial yet. But I'm packing long underwear, because it's going to be frozen tundra up there.

Speaking of which, we have an 80 percent chance of SNOW in Myrtle Beach tomorrow. 80-freakin--percent. Snow.

And they say there's nothing to this climate-change thing. Huh.

Anyhow, Happy New Year. Buon Anno.