You cannot afford this

Today, I was reading about a new play based on the rather freaky search terms AOL released a couple years ago from actual users. They don't name the users, but assign each individual a number so you can see people's browsing habits, some of which demonstrate there are some sad, demented, perverted and angry people out there.

I started thinking about what my browsing list would reveal about me. One thing it would tell people -- which most people who know me are already aware of -- is that I'm a Titanic buff.

Which is a long lead-up to the fact that I Googled the ship today and came up with news about a watchmaker in Sweden that is offering swanky, limited edition time pieces in its "Titanic DNA" collection that are allegedly made from metal from the ship itself mixed with metal from Harland and Wolff, the shipyard where Titanic was built.

OK, so a few points.

First, one of the watches -- which costs $300,000 (I found this out from someone who found it in the Wall Street Journal because the watchmaker's Web site lists no prices because if you have to ask, you cannot afford this) -- doesn't even tell time.

It only tells the wearer whether it's day or night.

If you can see a watch's face but can't figure out whether it's day or night by yourself, you don't deserve $300,000, let alone $300,000 extra to spend on something like this.

There's another one that functions as a watch, but you cannot wear it.

Why? Because it's made from the unstable, rusting metal from the ship, so it has to be kept in a glass case filled with argon or it will continue to rust and eventually, fall apart.

Second, prove it. Prove the metal came from the Titanic.

Third, there are rumors the metal is ill-gotten booty, which is entirely possible because only one company has the salvage rights, and unless it is selling off pieces of the big piece of hull it recovered, someone's breaking the law.

Fourth, I kind of want one because they are pretty and cool, but I kind of don't want one, because it's sort of creepy.

I've long wanted to own something that came from the ship, but only if it could be absolutely, positively verified, and anything like that would cost far, far more money than I am ever going to have to spend on things that are not necessities.

At one of the Titanic exhibitions I visited, I touched the big piece of the hull, and truthfully, it gave me the shivers, and not in a good way. I don't think I could wear a piece of the Titanic.

But I sure felt the need to write about it.