Sunday, June 8, 2008

Holy Crap: Bird War in the MB

MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. -- Local birds have declared war on the humans who work at The Sun News, peppering the newsroom windows and entry door with a strategic strafing of "bird bombs."

No one is certain what time the nearly silent attack occurred, but people who work in the building say they are fearful of further sneaky surprises.

"It makes me want to run from the gazebo to the entry as fast as possible, or perhaps carry an umbrella," said one worker who asked that her name not be used for fear of retaliation from the avian population in the ornamental pear trees in the parking lot, the only shady place to park a blue Jetta on a hot Sunday afternoon. "I just wish I hadn't bothered to wash my car yesterday."

"I suspect the seagulls," another employee said. " They've been lurking on the roof of the building, peering down at us with their beady eyes. Or maybe there's a nest of mockingbird babies getting ready to fly and the parents are all excited. Whatever. I just don't want to get crapped on."

No one knows when or where the next attack might happen, and for now, employees are just trying to find a hygienic and non-disgusting way to open the door and reach the air-conditioned safety of the newsroom.

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