Way to go

Gas prices suddenly went up in the gulf states today. Way to help people out.

The Funny Non-Endangered Polar Bear of Friday

In more than two years, I don't think I've laughed as hard as I have today. Whee!

Sometimes it's funny

Bill Richardson reminds me of my secret crush, Oliver Platt. Especially when he makes wicked little flip-flop jokes and smirks. They should have Oliver Platt speak tonight, too.

I'm watching the DNC on MSNBC, and Gore is speaking. He hadn't even gotten 10 words out before they cut to a shot of some guy weeping in the audience. Dude -- he hadn't even gotten to global warming yet. Save it.

Hello, 5 a.m.

Well, at least I made it past 3. Apparently, there's a rooster in my brain.

Who needs sleep?

It's 5:15 a.m. I've been awake since 3. I fell asleep at 11:30. I have city council at 9 and I'm wide awake.

Why? Last night I couldn't fall asleep until 4:30, and now this.

When I went to bed, I was thinking it would be nice to get up early, with time to make coffee and have breakfast before the meeting. I was thinking 7, not 3 o'fucking clock.

Now I'm watching Sex and the City reruns and waiting to put laundry in the dryer, and come 7 a.m., I'll be ready to go back to bed.

Oh! There's the garbage man. Great.

Huh...

Maybe I'm the only one who finds humor in signs, but today on my way to the pharmacy I saw two that kind of made me laugh.

One said "Ethiopian Cuisine ... and subs." One of these things is not like the other.

The other one was for a chicken place that had "41 flavors of wings." OK, but I bet it all tastes like chicken. Seriously -- I couldn't even think of that many possibilities for chicken wings. Cherry flavor? Would that be one?

The Roos of Friday

Apparently, kangaroos are scrappy. I think they're cute.

Some days...

...like today, when it's windy and overcast, I like to imagine I could see what this place would have looked like before people discovered it.

Looks like we're getting the uppermost part of Fay. On the weather map, it looks like one curving arm of a green mass that's sitting on Florida. Some rain with the wind would be nice, but only today, please, because tomorrow's my day off and I want to work on my yard.

Harry Potter and the Naked Horsey Play

Dear Daniel Radcliffe --

I know you're a very serious actor afraid to be typecast as Harry Potter, afraid you'll suffer the same fate as Gary Coleman or that kid from "Eight is Enough" who was so cute when he was little then grew up to be some kind of degenerate. No, not Willie Aames. He just participated in "Charles in Charge" before becoming "Bible Man."

I support your future acting career. I support your success and your ability to get a role in "Equus" in London and on Broadway, even though, in my opinion, you should probably have taken a couple little acting classes first.

Hell, I even support your right to be naked on stage. You're a good looking kid, and nakedness isn't an issue for me.

Except now.

Your desire to be in "Equus" is infringing on my need -- my right! -- to see the next installment of the Harry Potter movies.

Yes, because you're naked on stage this fall on Broadway, the distributors of the Harry Potter movies have held up the release of "Half-Blood Prince" until next summer. NEXT SUMMER.

They don't want kids seeing identifying Harry Potter with Naked You.

I know, too late.

The actual naked pictures of you are on every teenage girl's Dan Radcliffe fansite. But we Americans can't admit that legions of pubescent girls have already seen your Full Monty. We have to pretend no one's seen anything they shouldn't and hold up the movie because to have girls identifying you as a sex symbol -- well, that just won't do. Ahem.

Seriously. Listen, kid, you have the rest of your life to be naked on stage. In 2011, you can go skipping through Picadilly Circus naked and scattering violets and no one will think anything of it, because you're rich and famous.

You'll still be cute after all the Potter movies have been released on DVD, I'll feel less creepy about going to see "Equus" when you're a little older, I won't have to wait ANOTHER YEAR to see "Half-Blood Prince," and you'll have time for those acting lessons.

It's a win-win, baby.

So go put your goddamn pants on, fly back across The Pond and get back to Hogwarts.

Thanks.

The Penguin of Sunday

From my dear friend Kim, in Leeds, England, comes this slice of adorableness. They knighted a penguin who lives at the Edinburgh Zoo. Watch the video -- it's great. The penguin, called Sir Nils Olav, clearly has no problem with people.

Thanks, Kim!

Jethro finds Bigfoot

Check out the monkey suit. I think Jim Belushi wore this same outfit in "Trading Places." If this turns out to be real, I'll eat the carcass. Well, OK, not really. I'll eat a pound of bananas.

Why Wednesdays rock

Because the new issue of The Onion is online today. In perusing the latest issue, I found this classic article from 2001. Enjoy!

Heartbreak Friday

Poor Elizabeth. Why? WHY?

Why can't THIS be my job?

I want to be the "elephant manager!" I want to hang out with baby elephants!

When did this happen?

Just read this piece of a "leaked" McCain strategy memo:

"Draw the parallel with the same kind of bold leadership that McCain demonstrated in pushing the surge strategy that allowed us to win in Iraq. Need that same vision, intensity and leadership to attack our economic problems."

Um, does anyone know when, exactly, we won in Iraq? Is the war over, then? Does that mean troops can come home now?

Just wondering if someone knows.

Go ahead, add your own caption. So many possibilities.

Red velvet cake

Someone brought red velvet cake to work today. Even though it's not from scratch, the tiny little corner I nibbled was still tasty. But it made me want the red velvet cake we had when Peter and Kevin came to visit. Mmmmmm.

Yes, it really is that red.

If you've never had it, run, now, and find a place that makes it from scratch. Don't get coffee with it -- you don't want a mocha taste with red velvet cake. Maybe this weekend I will try making one of my own.