On living in The South

Right up front, let me say this is not a complaint. As I am often reminded, I chose to live here, which is true, and I'm glad I did. Overall.

However, there are some funny little quirks about The South that bear mentioning.

Like people's names. My favorite this week: Hooks Dawson. Don't know what Hooks did, but I heard someone talking about him (I'm assuming it's a him because no one in their right mind would name their daughter "Hooks") in a tone usually reserved for "the legendary," so I like to think that Hooks Dawson is famous, or infamous, for something interesting.

Maybe it's the NASCAR influence, but driving here is a lot like I imagine being caught in a tornado of wild, rabid Tasmanian Devils would be. Bless their hearts (which is Southern for "fuck y'all"). Someone Southern tried to explain it by saying that not a lot of money is spent on education here, let alone driver's education, but that only carries so much weight with me. Some of it is just common sense. These people are insane (and by "insane," I mean "batshit crazy") in their cars. No wonder car insurance is so much more expensive here -- the chances are extremely good that I will get hit by some crazy-ass Southerner who is in a big hurry to either get to the sports bar for the NASCAR races or just to drive right up inside the Jetta's trunk.

It makes me want to put a sign in the Jetta's back window that says "Get off me. Bless your heart."

I like to think the majority of the bad drivers would be able to read it, but maybe not, since they apparently couldn't read their driver's manuals.

Make no mistake, this is a red state. RED. Not even a hint of purple here. We joke about the seven Democrats in the MB (now eight, including me, although my citizenship papers have not arrived yet, so I can't really say I count), but it's really not much of a joke. At least, I don't find it funny.

Also, people here often refer to themselves as if they had lived during the Civil War, as in "we chased them Yankees outta here." And people say I have a problem letting go of the past.

I'm learning to properly use "might could" and "fixin' ta," as in "I might could eat some hushpuppies," and "I'm fixin' ta go ta the store."

Lastly, I heard a woman say this morning, "I'monna go pay-pay."

That really don't need no additional commentin' from me.